Have Fun on a Distraction Road Rally of Your Very Own

Sometimes, keeping up with the avoidance of reality is hard. Denial can be difficult to maintain. I am here to help.

Are there things going on in your life that you would rather not think about right now?  Is something causing you stress or unhappiness? Let me help you sweep that all under the rug to deal with later. It’s easy, if somewhat expensive and possibly damning. But what’s life without a little risk?

So, without any further preamble, here is my gift to you – my personal Distraction Road Rally Top Ten. Have fun!

• Plant a garden.

100 POINTS

• Go on vacation.

  
  

100 POINTS

• Spend an entire Sunday watching the first and only season of Firefly on Netflix.

25 POINTS. Honestly struggle with confusion as to why anyone would have canceled the series and be angry that they did so for a 25 POINT bonus.

• Throw parties. Make sure that your house is nowhere near ready to host the shindig. Scramble to get it ready in time.

50 POINTS or each party. Get it both clean and decorated in time for a 25 POINT bonus.

• Go on a trip, but leave your luggage at home. Figure out how to remedy that state of being at 11:30 p.m. at a Wal-Mart in the middle of nowhere with the men’s department completely taped off and tarped for vent cleaning.

100 POINTS. Convince the employees to let you behind the tape so you can shop under the tarps for a 50 POINT bonus.

• Hang out at a Wal-Mart in the middle of nowhere at 11:30 p.m. and observe the people who are shopping. Note how “dressed” means different things in different areas of the country.

25 POINTS. Write a short-story based on observations for an additional 25 POINTS.

• Go on a 5-hour float trip in Missouri and select the one leaky inner tube from the pile of 100, ensuring that it will deflate half-way through the trip right before rapids.

50 POINTS.  Do not reapply sunscreen on your legs to ensure the distraction lasts at least another 3-5 days for a 25 POINT bonus.

• Jump into a pool with your $250 smart phone in the pocket of your swim trunks.

25 points. Remain blissfully unaware of this costly mistake until your nephew finds it at the bottom of the deep end for a 25 point bonus.

• Spend one of the hottest days of the year removing overgrown weeds and trumpet vines from overgrown flower beds.

50 POINTS. Discover a hidden wheelbarrow for a 50 POINT bonus. Call upon the spirit of your great-grandmother to curse her for planting the trumpet vines in the first place for a 50 POINT you-got-some-balls-bonus. Lose 50 POINTS immediately for disrespect.

• Move out of a home you lived in for 11 years to your childhood home 300.3 miles away with three kids, three dogs, a cat, a rat and a bird.

300 POINTS. Manage to NOT have your teenagers hate you for taking them away from almost everything and everyone they have ever known for a 1,000 POINT bonus.

Before beginning your Road Rally, I encourage you to have a fully stocked cooler with plenty of the beverages of your choice. If you rally correctly, you can avoid dealing with important things for up to two full months. Although I am not yet a master, I know that if you really commit yourself, you can maintain varying levels of distraction and denial for years.

Tuck in and enjoy. Share your scores and, even better, share your own ideas. Lord knows, there can never be too many distractions. It may be hard to catch up with me point-wise, but I have been at this a long time. I know you can do it.

Now I am off to trim more tree branches – 25 more points each for me.

Catch me if you can!